| The best kept secret in town... | Business is lousy. |
| And much much more... | There are interesting things to say but we can't think of them. |
| Extravaganza! | There will be balloons! |
| The biggest little store in town... | It's extremely small. |
| Savings of up to 70% | The big left handed green paisley one is 70% off. |
| Grand opening celebration!! | There will be balloons!! |
| Friendly, courteous service... | They will talk to you. |
| Dollar under invoice... | Dealer invoice isn't actually dealer anything. |
| Price-Buster Sale-Abration!!! | There will be balloons!!! |
| Buy now and save... | Go figure |
| Looking for that perfect gift idea? | It's December 24th! |
| Limited to stock on hand... | There's one left. |
| Preferred customer sale... | You are breathing. |
| On the quiet side of town... | They're behind the burnt out gas station. |
| Mention this ad and get... | Is anyone out there? |
| Register to win! | Welcome to our mailing list! |
| Don't miss our once in a lifetime Sale-O-Rama!!! | There will be balloons AND hot dogs!!! |
| How to tell a Jeremy Couso advertising concept... | If it uses any of these cliches...it's not! |
